Wait till they get a load of me

Look for me to appear on Tennessee’s Most Wanted after this piece. Tennessee should change its state slogan from “America at its best!” to “Continuing the pussification of America!”

“Why?” you ask? Let the Greek tell you.

Tennessee Governor Bill “I Squat to Pee” Haslam signed new legislation that adds images to the list of communications that can trigger criminal liability. But for image postings, the "emotionally distressed" individual need not be the intended recipient. Anyone who sees the image is a potential victim. If a court decides you "should have known" that an image you posted would be upsetting to someone who sees it, you could face months in prison and thousands of dollars in fines.

Are you fucking kidding me? We are so close to an Orwellian nightmare in this country it is not even the least bit funny. This must be one of the signs of the Apocalypse (another one being my wife and my mother genuinely loving each other…that is actually happening. Hold me. I am scared.) What’s next for us as a society? Thought police?

If Tennessee is starting to prosecute shit like this, then I have a list of offensive stuff from Tennessee that they need to take care of first:

1. Peyton Manning’s Sun Dial, Neanderthal forehead. He looks like "The Leader" from The Incredible Hulk series. It has it's own gravitational pull for Christ's sake! They could solve the homeless problem in Indianapolis if they just nailed his fucking feet to the ground.

2. Vanderbilt’s “football” program. Aren’t there false advertising laws in Tennessee? It’s offensive that they are in the SEC. Do something about their facilities before you go screwing around with my right to offend people.

3. Rocky Top…and for that matter, country music in general. It’s no better than rap; although I am sure the crime rate is much lower amongst country music artists. The Grand Ole Opry is ground zero for this garbage. If I have to hear one more redneck croon about his truck, “trailer-hood”, or some honky-tonk bar fly making his heart say “Yee-haw!”, I am going to punch a kitten.

4. Al Gore.

So I figure for those four offenses, the Greek gets four freebies in retaliation:

While we are on the subject of offensive things, let’s talk for a moment about the behavior of Mississippi State’s first base coach on Sunday in Game 3 of the Gainesville Super Regional. In the top of the ninth, Nick Mingione goes all Sal Alosi and intentionally tripped Gator first basemen Vickash Ramjit as he was going for a pop fly foul ball. This is not the first time Mingione has pulled some bush league bullshit. The buffoonery continued as he feigned as if it were an accident and “rushed” to Ramjit’s aide. Man, that’s like caving in some chick’s dinner dumpster against her will and then offering to get her a towel to clean up. Cohen and his whole staff should be ashamed of their actions much like I should be ashamed of half the crap I write. Head Coach John Cohen is just as bad and condones this behavior; Cohen’s even being sued by a former player for screwing over his career intentionally. Justice was served as Florida eliminated the Bulldogs 8-6 in the final game.

Fortunately for Haslam and the Mississippi State baseball coaching staff, there are bigger douches stealing headlines, the most notable being the Dr. Griffin of the Fourth Quarter, one LeBron James. He’s such a douche that James has even managed to contaminate D-Wade. There’s no way D-Wade acts like a shithead and takes a shot at Dirk if LeTurd isn’t a teammate. There’s absolutely no way D-Wade sheds his jersey a la Bynum if not influenced by the underachieving cancer that is Lebron James. I used to respect Wade; that’s fading faster than an SUV slamming into a neighbor’s tree in Islesworth.

The ultimate slap in the face was LeBron’s post game comment:

“All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today. I'm going to continue to live the way I want to live and continue to do the things that I want to do with me and my family and be happy with that. So they can get a few days or a few months or whatever the case may be on being happy about not only myself, but the Miami Heat not accomplishing their goal. But they got to get back to the real world at some point.”

James is more detached than a high school girl that gets pregnant, eats everything in sight to gain weight to cover it up, goes to prom, excuses herself to the bathroom, gnaws off the umbilical cord like a coyote, dumps junior into the wastebasket like an unwanted flesh yo-yo, and returns to her friends and the good times like nothing ever happened. (At this point, all I want to know is if anyone from Tennessee is offended yet.)

So in honor of LeBron and his douchbaggery, I decided to compare him to the famous villains in and throughout history. So without further adieu, the Greek presents his Not So Top 10 Sports Villains of All Time (James is in a league of his own)

10. Tim Donaghy- We should actually be thanking this guy, but I am sure he cost some folks a ton of loot. Tim did expose what we all thought: while the NBA may not be as scripted as the WWE, refs were told to influence certain outcomes of certain games by making certain calls. It certainly sounds like Stern wanted to be the Vince McMahon of the legitimate sporting world. I am surprised that in 2006 none of the refs hit Dirk with a chair when they went up 2-0 on Miami. It sure was evident in that series alone that calls were influenced to create a certain outcome. NBA conspiracy theorists were vindicated when it all came out in the wash in 2007.

9. Michael Vick- This guy was responsible for more dog deaths than all the Korean restaurants in the US combined. Even as cold and callous as the Greek is, I was still angered by the transgressions committed by Vick against man’s best friend. Vick’s abuse of dogs even rivaled those of Spurrier, Zook, and Meyer combined (eat it Georgia fans!). Even though Vick served the time for his crime, he is still one of the most hated people in all of sports…and it figures that this piece of shit would end up playing in Philadelphia. They deserve each other.

8. Robert Irsay- He paved the way for idiots like Al Davis and Art Modell to move their teams and shit on the very fans that made it possible for them to earn income from their investment. Irsay basically snuck his football team out of town in the middle of the night. Imagine, you’re a Colts fan. You have your Johnny Unitas jersey on. It’s March 28 of 1984. Elway just snubbed your team from drafting him. Art Schlichter just got a year suspension for gambling. The Mayor just fought for a $15 million upgrade to the stadium to keep the Colts from moving to Indianapolis. The team went 7-9 and put 30,000 asses in the stands for their season finale in December of 1983. You go to sleep thinking “Shit, they went 7-9 with all the negative shit going on. We may be a playoff team this coming season!” You wake up the next morning and your team is gone! Irsay set the stage for owners to screw over fans and for that he will forever be hated.

7. Art Modell- This guy could be the biggest dickhead on the planet. Say what you want about Cleveland…but their sports fans are some of the greatest on the planet. He basically took a big shit on their chests and moved the team to Baltimore, leaving the city without a football team. Prick even tried to take the Browns name with him (and he was not going to use it) until the city sued his greedy ass. The Cleveland fans even supported the ridiculously shitty product Art’s administration fielded every season by packing the stadium every Sunday. One of the cheesiest, low-life, scum sucking, fore-flushing, back-stabbing, bullshit moves in all of sports. (And I hate fucking Cleveland!)

6. Mike Tyson- Mike was a hero for a long time. Even when he was accused of raping some broad in Indiana, people looked the other way. But all it took was for Iron Mike to go all Hannibal Lecter on Holyfield’s ear and the world hated him. Mike could not get out of his own way once Cus D’amato died. Then Tyson told Lennox Lewis that he wanted to eat his children. Then the tattoo on his face. At one point, he was the greatest boxer that ever lived and the most feared man in the sport’s history…now poor Mike is just a running punchline and one long trainwreck.

5. Tiger Woods- From one smooth brother with a golf club and the most intimidating player in any sport to a philandering, sex addict, has been in 2.2 seconds (which is how long it took him to crash his Escalade into his neighbor’s tree from his driveway). Hell, at that point, Elin was swinging the club better than he was. Seriously, Tiger’s fall from grace may be the fastest in sports history.

4. Barry Bonds- Barry “swole-up” over one summer and not one person was suspicious. People crowded into the ball parks to see Bonds go yard and shatter the home run record. No one said shit. Only until after the fact did people start crying that Bonds used steroids. Somehow Barry became the poster boy for steroid abuse and hated by many. Don’t tell me MLB didn’t know or suspect anything. But you see, all those asses in the stands watching all those balls fly out of the park was good for the game. Greed allowed it to happen, so the Greek says “screw it! Let these steroid boys into the Hall!!”

3. Ty Cobb- Womanizing, woman-beating, drunkard, foul-mouthed racist. Actually sounds like a fun guy to the Greek, but he was hated by many. Even after his death; as a matter of fact, even the oft reserved Connie Mack called him the dirtiest player that ever lived. A sports writer from the NY Times was asked to write his obituary. He said the only way he would do it was to tell it like it is, the only exception is that now “Ty was a DEAD prick.”

2. The 1980 Soviet Olympic Hockey Team- The evil Empire. It was during the height of the Cold War. They had pros that had been playing together for 12 plus years. The USA still used amateurs. The whole world was holding on to the hope that somehow the Americans could pull off a miracle. They did, and Al Michaels never sounded better.

1. The Miami Hurricanes- They talked shit. They acted like thugs on and off the field. They told you they were going to beat your ass. They’d do it the tunnel. They’d do it on the field. They’d do it after the game. They talked shit and backed it up and we all still hate them for it.

I can’t end this article with all this negativity, so let me give some props to two folks. First, to Dallas Mavs owner Mark Cuban. It was awesome watching Stern look like he was passing a kidney stone the size of quail egg having to hand the trophy to Mark. Cuban is his own man, he tells it like it is and is not afraid of being fined by the NBA Gestapo. If any one owner deserved a title in all of sports, it would be one Mr. Mark Cuban.

Finally, do yourself a favor and catch the Dan Dakich Show on 1070am Indianapolis. He’s another guy who’s not afraid to tell it like it is and is quite a refreshing break from the ESPN norm. Honestly, he’s the Anne Sullivan of radio because he miraculously makes sports in Indiana interesting. He’s bombarded with open wheel racing, IU sports, and Colts football and still somehow manages to make it all worth listening to. So, tune in, or the Greek will come to your house and spend the week. I can share a room with your wife or daughter, and if you have a dog…I’ll bring the peanut butter.