The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

   With Spring Football at a fever pitch, I thought this would be a great time for the Greek to break out his crystal ball and make some way early predictions for the 2010 season and to insure that I can piss you off just as much in the off-season as I can during the season. I have to keep you folks on your toes....like hookers orally servicing Shaq.
   As I gaze into my crystal ball....a recurring theme comes to mind. The movie "il buono, il brutto, il cattivo" (The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly). I was going to relay this vision in a witty comparison about how Charlie Strong is Blondie, Brian Kelly as Angel Eyes, and Lane Kiffin as Tuco...but it would be lost on the majority of today's mainstream sports fans (certainly not the members of THIS site)...I also thought it would be more fun just to throw them out there and see what sticks...kind of like a USF gals thong.

The Good

Charlie Strong and Louisville. Keep in mind, it is Louisville...expectations cannot be that high. But Strong should be able to pull 6 wins out this season. The defense will be better under Strong, and it IS the Big East, the light beer of BCS conferences..( WVU and Pitt fans...go ahead and start sending your illiterate, hate filled responses to jpthegreek@gmail.com). So 6-6 is not impossible for the Cardinals. Anybody else think that if there was a Wonderlic Test for College Coaches that Charlie Strong would outscore Dan Mullen?

Brian Kelly and Notre Dame. Sure, Kelly abandons kids quicker than a Floridian parent, but he can coach. And it's not like Charlie Walrus did recruit some talent. Kelly could squeeze out 7 or 8 wins and go bowling as he establishes himself as the next underachieving Irish head coach. But anything is an improvement over Charlie Weis. On a sad note, several eating establishments have closed their doors since Weis waddled out of South Bend.


Lane Kiffin and USC. Excuse me while I choke back the bile that has welled up in my throat at the thought of typing this prediction. I cannot believe I am predicting this douche nozzle to be successful, what disgusts me even further is I feel Kiffin may just be successful over the long haul. Even with threat of probation looming, I think USC could possibly win the PAC 10 and be BCS bowl bound. Now excuse me while I scrub my skin off with alcohol and an S.O.S. pad.


Christian Ponder and FSU. With the ugly Bowden mess and Music Gate behind them, FSU can focus on Christian Ponder making a run for the Heisman. Christian should be lighting up stat books like Preston Parker lit up blunts. Helping matters will be that the Seminoles will be improved as well. I just had an out of body experience while typing this part. I saw myself and could not believe I was actually writing this. I am disgusted with myself. On a positive note, there are two things standing in the way of Ponder winning the Heisman: 1) FSU's defense will eventually have to be on the field and 2) Jimbo Fisher is the head coach.

The Bad

Rich Rodriguez and Michigan. It's over in Ann Arbor for Rich Rod. The only thing that will save his job is the following: He must beat Ohio State and At least tie for a Big 10 title. Anything less, and he'll be shit-canned quicker than a model for Calvin Klein gaining 3 ounces. It's not that Michigan won't be competitive this year. They weren't terrible all the time last season either. It's just that they are not going to win a Big 10 title under Rodriguez, and they have the same chance of beating Ohio State this year as  Kirstie Alley fitting into a size 6 ever again.

Turner Gill and Kansas. This doesn't bode well Jayhawks fans. It's not that Gill is a horrible coach, he's just not a winner. I mean, he's no Mangino...but maybe torturing players and eating your own weight in triple cheese burgers is the only way to be successful at football in Lawrence. With the resurgence of Nebraska, the consistency of Missouri, and the pulse that Kansas State is showing (I still hate Snyder), Kansas may be in for a very long season.

Tommy Tuberville and Texas Tech. Karma is a bitch and Oklahoma and Texas are her twin sisters. Tech was looking for a reason to can Leach, and this year they are going to get what they deserve, regardless if Tuberville is at the helm or not. They won't be able to compete with the Sooners and the Longhorns, and they may never get to that level under "The River Boat Gambler". Remember, he only had one SEC title in 10 years in the SEC...and Texas Tech is no Auburn.

The Ugly

Derek Dooley and Tennessee. First it was Bryce Brown leaving the team. Then the flood gates opened, and QB Nick Stephens is the latest to flee Rocky Top. This should not reflect on Dooley, but more of the attitude and atmosphere left over from the very brief and very loud Kiffin Regime. Tennessee will rebound and rebuild, but it will take several years. The Vols wanted to make sure Dooley would be staying put, and instituted a $4 million dollar buyout. But considering his head coaching experience and what was left in the cupboards in Knoxville, isn't that like paying for full coverage insurance on a 1985 Zastava Korel (Yugo)?

Mike Haywood and Miami, OH. The Deadhawks only won a single game last year. I guess decent college football took that day off. They return a handful of mediocre talent and really have nothing in the wheel house. Mike Haywood is going to wake up on September 4th feeling like Rosie O'Donnell's gynecologist on Pap smear day when the Deadhawks kick off the 2010 season against the Gators. The game will be eerily similar to Rosie's Pap smear as well. It will take about 3 hours to get it over with, and both Mike and the gynecologist will be disgusted and doubting their profession.



Dan Hawkins and Ron Zook. It's a battle of who sucks the most. Both of these guys are in their last season, and it will be a race to see who gets let go first. With Zook's amazing, blind, stupid luck, my money is on Dan Hawkins. That's like having a Dead Pool Contest and having Steven Hawking, Dixie Carter, and Dennis Hopper on your list. Both of these programs are train wrecks and will finish at the bottom of their conferences.  


I would do more predictions, but it will have to be at another time. You see, my crystal ball seems to be malfunctioning. Keeps saying something about Alabama and repeat champions...and that can't be right. See you folks real soon!

 *** This site is intended for mature, knowledgeable, true fans of college football. If you are easily offended by homer opinions, strong language, brutal honesty, tasteless humor, PAC 10 pillow fights, or visor throwing-this isn’t the site for you. We here at TBDPITL are incapable of being sympathetic and politically correct, so strap on a pair and check your sensitive feelings at the door.