Ain't No Rest For The Wicked Until We Close Our Eyes For Good

   Well, the Football Gods really slammed one up my kiester and broke it off. First, my beloved Gators come out and lay a bigger egg than than Touchstone when they decided that Kazaam should be filmed and distributed. Then my Dallas Cowboys blow one to Corky Manning and the pathetic Giants. And to top off the wonderful friggin' weekend, my money league fantasy team took one on the chin. It's been a shitty weekend...and I've got a ton of venom to unleash...just where to begin?
   I guess I'll start with Tiger...not to beat a dead horse, but he is setting a bad example for the young men. Maybe the Ole Greek can turn Tiger's blunder into a teaching aid for the impressionable youth. First, never trust a chick....period. Next, if you are worth a billion dollars...be smarter. Don't get caught. Never, ever, ever leave some chick a voice mail. Never, ever, ever send her a text message. Buy a damned pay as you go phone...don't use your cell phone your wife has access to. So kiddies, the only thing you should follow Tiger's path on is the prenuptial agreement. Other than that, no piece of ass is worth $25 million...unless it has a cape hanging out of it.
   More wickedness...Charlie Weis. Now, he claims he was taken out of context when he stated that Pete Carrol was pooning a grad student. Now listen Charlie...you of all people know that the media will twist shit worse than the noose David Carradine used...minus the self manipulation. I am absolutely convinced that Charlie meant to cause a shit storm. Why? Jealousy. Pete is in decent shape and looks great for his age, and very well could be putting it to a Southern Cal hotty grad student...maybe giving her a Foaming Zombie or a Tahitian Flame Thrower, or an Inverted Mexican Wheelbarrow. It could just be frustration too...since a chick would need a pallet jack to lift up Weis front butt to actually see his penis....something Weis hasn't seen since he was around 200 lbs.
   Even more wickedness...The BCS. The very reason this site was created. Five undefeated teams, yet we have the most mundane match ups. The BCS decided to fuck Boise State (not that I give two shits about the sorry ass Broncos and their sorry ass conference) and TCU by making them play each other. Really? I hope the Fiesta Bowl has the lowest ticket sales in their history. TCU should be playing Cincinnati in the Fiesta and Florida should be playing Boise State in the Sugar Bowl. But what do we get? A great match up between UF and Cincinnati in the Sugar...but other than that and the BCS title game, the BCS games are as interesting as watching flies screw. Georgia Tech and Iowa....honestly, paint drying will have more drama than this game. The BCS pit Boise State and TCU together so that only one mid major (and yes, they are still mid majors...live with it) will be undefeated....and....just like the last few years...everyone can live with a mid major being screwed. Hell, it's almost like tradition. Most of the Nation will tell either Boise State or TCU to quit their bitching and be glad for the BCS....because quite frankly....before the BCS...TCU would be lucky to get a Holiday Bowl bid, and Boise State would be going to the New Mexico Bowl...and both teams would definitely NOT be Top 10 ranked. Much like George O'Leary's resume....the BCS is bogus.
   Another thing that chaps my ass....Florida State. I understand that this is Bowden's last game at FSU...and era ends...blah fucking blah fucking blah. I don't give a damn. They do NOT deserve a Gator Bowl bid. You reward teams by what they do on the field....not what is going on off of it. Makes you wonder if they had only 2 or 3 losses...would they be slurping Bowden's limp, wrinkled, liver spotted schlong that hasn't been fully erect since 19-prohibition... and give FSU a BCS berth? I felt bad for Bowden they way FSU forced him out....but this whole Gator Bowl nonsense refreshed my memory of why I dislike Bowden and FSU. Go Mountaineers, I hope you beat them like a child in Paula Poundstone's care.
   By the twitching in my thumbs, something wicked this way comes...but it is not Notre Dame to a bowl game. What is that? Sounds like pouting to me. The Irish claim that it is because they don't have a coach. News flash...you haven't had a coach for years....why is now any different? My dog leaves tightly coiled piles that can coach better than Weis, surely you have an assistant that can assume the role of bumbling moron for a bowl game. It's not like no other program has done this before. I am sure you can use the money to replenish the coffers after paying out so much hush money for Priests banging little boys. Are they afraid of being embarrassed for a 7th time this year on National television? Are they afraid it would hurt recruiting? Here's what hurts recruiting....Notre Dame. They still think they are an elite program. Laughable.
   So this week, this wicked guy is resting from lists. Next week will be a different story as the Greek and Teddy will do the Not So Top 10 Worst Coaches Review. Should be a hoot. See you folks next week!