|
|
|
The Not So Top 10 Week #3: Let's See What Sticks
The Not So Top 10 Week #3: Let's See What Sticks
This
has been a brutal week so far for me. My regular job has been a
killer...yes...I work a regular job. I don't get paid for writing this
shit, if I did, all you dipshits would have a right to complain and your
constant emails to the President/CEO of By The Fans, LLC to get me
removed from the internet would actually have some merit. But, they
don't...so suck it. So this NST 10 is going to be like Gary Glitter
likes his Asian boys...short and sweet...and mute.
They grow up so fast. Kids that is, like hydroponic ganja in an off
campus housing college student's closet. I remember like it was just
yesterday that he was pissing off his sister by putting her Barbies in
various stages of bondage and having Ken be the dominant male role model
that influenced him in his developmental years. He greeted me on my
return from work with this:
"Hey Dad, I like my women like I like my beef...ground up and in the freezer."
Get in line ladies...he's only 17.
Speaking of things ground up (relax, this is not a segway to my man
crush on Andrei Chikatilo)...Kansas and Auburn. Scott Peterson's
attorneys put up a better defense than I witnessed from those two this
past Saturday. I don't know which is worse...losing to a guy named
"Dabo" or letting a guy named "Orwin" gain 37 yards every damn time he
touched the ball?
While we are on the subject of last Saturday...I have 3 observations:
1.
Tennessee should just forgo the formality of playing Florida each year
and just forfeit...they are beginning to become like Vanderbilt and
Kentucky in regards to the Gators...an automatic win on the schedule.
The Vols haven't scared the Gators since Slick Willie was getting a
hummer from a fat intern in the oval office.
2. Ohio State...it is called the FORWARD PASS. It's legal. It's older
than your head coach...but then I have dead hookers under my bed older
than Luke.
3. The brutal hit on Florida State's Kenny Shaw. It was awesome. It
aroused something primal inside me. I swear...I was semi-turgid. Then, I
saw it...the flag...it stuck out like a fart in an elevator. WTF? Are
we serious here? Even by definition of a defenseless player...how
defenseless is the fucker that is catching the ball and about to hang 6
points on your ass? We may as well wrap these guys in bubble wrap, make
the fields out of giant air cushions, and put flags on these guys! They
don't even call shit like that in the Lingerie League.
Note to Floyd Mayweather...you are a dirty piece of shit. Sure...the
Latin fella had no shot at beating you...and I giggled when you punched
him twice without the ref looking...awesome. Try that shit on Manny and
you'll be eating through a fucking tube.
(God, I love segways)
On the subject of eating through a tube...seems I pissed someone off
last week. (I know...shock...gasp...surprise!) Here's their touching
email...however...it was sent...again...to The President of By The Fans,
LLC:
"Mr. Phelps,
I am sending this email to you because I am concerned with one of your
writers. He goes by "The Greek". I am not sure if it is a sexual
connotation on his sex life, if he is from Greece, or if he is
shamelessly riding on the coattails of Jimmy "The Greek". I have truly
never read The Not So Top 10 until last week. I do frequent the site as I
have a lot of free time since I take care of my paraplegic mother full
time. I am not easily offended, but have heard that this column is quite
vulgar and entertaining to most.
What I read this week disgusted me, especially this part:
"Seems like
some folks here in Florida like to do nothing but bitch. Here's an
example: A wheelchair bound homeless senior citizen here in St.
Petersburg is about as ungrateful as they come. He pressed charges
against a half naked chick that was straddling and biting him. Listen
brother, you are old, wrinkly, smelly, and homeless. You shit and piss
in a bag. You should be kissing God's hairy beanbag for a chick even
being naked within 50 feet of you that you did not have to pay money to."
My mother was assaulted at an ATM, and even after she complied with the
demands of the felons, they still shot her. It was her unbelievable will
to live that helped her survive. She has to "shit and piss in a bag".
Do you have any idea how degrading it is for her, a once vibrant and
energetic woman used to doing everything for everybody, now has to have
someone change her "bags"?
It bothered me enough to write this email and to let you know that if
you do not have him print a retraction and make a public apology to
handicapped people and their families, I will not only no longer be
visiting your site, I may launch an internet campaign to boycott your
site until that jerk is no longer allowed to write his horrible brand of
hatred.
You have a great idea, but letting scum like "The Greek" and
"TeddyDupay" write their trash in the name of your site is a very poor
business decision.
Thank you for your time
Jocelyn G.- Orlando
CAUTION!
My response may cause some of you to wonder what has happened to me...
"Dear Jocelyn,
First, let me offer my deepest condolences for the tragedy that left
your mother paralyzed. This is why I support the death penalty.
Hopefully, the assholes that shot your mother have been caught,
repeatedly raped by an inmate with HIV, and are currently awaiting
execution.
Let me begin by stating that I am The Greek. I also NEVER apologize for
anything I write, nor do I print retractions. I normally shred the folks
that send me this types of emails. You see, The Greek is more of a
character than a real person. I write and say things that most people
think but lack the testicular fortitude to actually put it out there for
public consumption.
If it weren't for "The Greek" and the very awesome and funny
"TeddyDupay", we'd be just another fan based website that no one would
visit.
So, I will not be apologizing nor printing a retraction. I would also
like to tell you that, while I would LOVE the free publicity, the best
thing to do is simply stop visiting the site instead of launching some
internet boycott.
Consider this your free pass. I am actually going to print your email in
the next edition of the NST 10 and my response...because that's what I
do. Believe me, I would much rather be calling you "Debbie Downer" and
then make some crack about how you have depressed me to the point where I
feel like taking hugging my kids for granted and not going on my
evening jog.
My comment that upset you was for entertainment purposes. I did not site
down and think "Geez, let me see if I can piss off Jocelyn in Orlando
this week."
I hope nothing but the best for you and your family.
-The Greek
See, I have a heart...it's just blackened from hate and bong resin.
So, let's get to something less depressing (unless you are a fan of a team that appears in the Not So Top 10)
1. Western Kentucky (0-3) Last Week #9-
So many insults here, I do not know where to start. First, the
Hillfloppers got whipped by a team with a tree for a mascot...and it
wasn't Stanford. The Fighting Feminine Hygiene Products lost 44-16 to
Indiana State, a team that had not beaten an FCS opponent since 2001 and
had not won a non-conference road game since 2004. It was also the 17th
straight home loss for Western Kentucky...that dates back to 2008. The
Hillfloppers have been outscored 98-33 in their first 3 games.
Next Week: BYE...can you lose to your BYE week? If it can be done, the Hillfloppers will do it.
2. Akron (0-3) Last Week #4-
The Acrid Zips were blasted by the Cincinnati Bearcats. The Zips were
down 49-0 at halftime and have now been outscored 98-3 in the first half
of their first three games. Acrid has been outscored 142-17 and the
Bearcats will be known as the first team to let the Zips score a
touchdown this season, even if it was against the scout team. They have
lost 16 straight road games dating back to 2008. Good thing for them
they are at home this week...and this is their only shot at a victory
for 2011.
Next Week: VMI...the Keydets are amazingly terrible as well and if Acrid loses this one, I'll be crowning them 2011 NST Champions next week.
3. San Jose State (0-3) Last Week #7-
I can't really rag on these guys too badly here. The Sputterin'
Spartans gave UCLA a bit of a tussle and last week played admirably well
against Nevada. But with quite a few winless teams finding the win
column this week, they move up. Their last conference win came at home
back in November of 2009 against New Mexico State (go figure). Their
last conference road win was back in November of 2008...against Idaho
(what are the odds?) San Jose State has made losing an art in the WAC
and look for them to play Picasso this weekend.
Next Week: New Mexico State...The Greek's Ghastly Game of the Week
4. New Mexico (0-3) Last Week #8-
The Low Blows are up to #4 after being crushed 59-13 by Texas Tech.
They actually made the Red Raiders look like they could play defense.
Don't be fooled, the Low Blows have been outscored 125 to 26 in the
first 3 games. They also go down in NST 10 lore as the first team ever
in the poll to allow a QB to complete 90.9% of his passes. That is
embarrassing, and even at their worst, the Ypsilanti Correctional
Community College Pigeons haven't allowed a statistic like that. (See,
just because they've been lucky enough to win a few...I still manage to
get my shot in at EMU and Ron English.)
Next Week: Sam Houston State...which apparently competes with Alabama in Spelling B's...The BearKats are 2-0
5. Boston College (0-3) Last Week NR-
I gave you a free pass when you lost to Northwestern (who has since
lost to Army) and they were without Persa. Then, UCF smoked your asses
because that game was 6-3 for 3 quarters. However, I must now welcome
you to the Not So Top 10 for the first time ever because you lost to the
Blow Devils. Too bad I like Luke Kuechly, you should have let him try
that extra point. He would have probably knocked the damn goal posts
down instead of having the ball bounce around two "poles" like a BC
cheerleader. I am just having an issue coming up with a nickname for you
guys. The Fecals? The Feebles?
Next Week: UMass...with the Red Sox choking like a debutante on
prom night...this "in-State" rivalry may be the best thing going for the
Chowder-heads
6. Oregon State (0-2) Last Week #3-
The rest of the season for the Battered Beavers hinges on the outcome
of their contest with UCLA this week. A win, and there's a shot for 3 or
4 wins on the remaining schedule. Lose, and these Beavers might as well
have a hysterectomy and pack it in for the remainder of the 2011
season. (Their only other win coming against BYU...we know how Mormons
have an aversion to Beavers) Right now, I am looking at them as the
Dark-horse front runner for the Tyrone Willingham Trophy.
Next Week: UCLA
7. UCLA (1-2) Last Week NR-
Next stop on the Rick Neuheisel Farewell Tour is Corvallis. The Ruins
are 8-19 since 2008 in PAC 12 play. Did you hear that gigantic sigh of
relief yesterday when the PAC 12 announced they weren't expanding to
more than 12 teams? That was the Ruins fans just happy being the 11th
place team in the PAC instead of the 13th place team. The only way for
UCLA to turn things around is to get a real coach or leave the PAC 12.
They can't even out recruit USC with a douche bag coach and 3 years of
probation. I would say go after Troy Aikman, but he'd get a concussion
from signing the contract.
Next Week: at Oregon State
8. North Texas (0-3) Last Week NR-
It did not take long, but the Mean Gangrene are back in the Not So Top
10. I gave them some extra credit to start the season just based on the
fact they shit-canned Todd Dodge. But the damage has been done, and it
will take years for North Texas to climb out of the hole Dodge put them
in. They have been outscored 130-39 in their first 3 games and are 6-33
in their last 39 games. The Mean Gangrene will have a chance to solidify
their position in the NST 10 when they welcome Indiana to their High
School stadium.
Next Week: Indiana
9. Kent State (0-3) Last Week NR-
The Golden Flushes make their 2011 NST 10 debut on the heels of a 37-0
beating by Kansas State. When Bill Snyder puts you on his
non-conference schedule, you know you suck...especially when you are the
cream of the crop grouped in with the high schools, NAIA schools, and
community colleges Bill loves to schedule. The Golden Flushes have been
outscored 115-19 to start the season and will be giving the Acrid Zips
all they can handle as the season progresses.
Next Week: South Alabama...guess who will be #1 if they lose this game?
10. Ole Miss (1-2) Last Week NR-
I am magnanimously giving the Ole Miss Rebels the #10 mojo spot. They
have to be here after making Vanderbilt look like an actual SEC school.
The 30-7 beating was not as close as the score indicated. My prediction
is...a few years from now, we can correlate the increase in alcoholism
in Oxford directly to the Houston Nutt era. At this point, they should
change their mascot from that stupid bear to one of those pedophile
dolls the courts have the kids point to where the defendant touched
them. They host the Georgia Bulldogs this week and nothing I would like
more is to see Ole Miss at 2-2.
Next Week: Georgia...Mark Richt will be fired if they lose this game...maybe even at half time if they are trailing.
See you next week!
COMMENTS
Currently, there are no comments. Be the first to post one!
Click here to post a comment