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The Not So Top Ten
2010 Final Not So Top 10
1. San Jose State
2. New Mexico
3. Akron
4. Eastern Michigan
5. New Mexico State
6. Memphis
7. Western Kentucky
8. Washington State
9. Vanderbilt
10. Texas
2009 Final Not So Top 10
1. Eastern Michigan
2. Western Kentucky
3. Nike
4. New Mexico
5. Miami, OH
6. Washington State
7. Rice
8. North Texas
9. Memphis
10. Ball State
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The Not So Top 10 for Week #10
Back in the Saddle Again (this time with assless chaps)
 Howdy folks! By the amount of email I received over the last two weeks it seems I was missed more than Michelle Duggar's period.
Some where nice, some disappointed by the absence of the NST 10, and a
few hoping I was "fired" or had died. Sorry to disappoint you
fuckers...but I am back! I would love to brag that my absence was due to
a trip to the Betty Ford Clinic to get off the Turkey, Oxycontin, and
mainlining battery acid...that would be sexy...glamorous even...but
alas...it was plain old boring work that got in my way. I'm glad to be
back slaving away over a keyboard to bring you the Not So Top 10.
So..I take a couple of weeks off and the whole world goes bonkers. There
are some things that went down the last few weeks that made me chuckle
with self serving delight, scratch my head and say "WTF?", and then
there is the Child Sex Abuse case against Sandusky and the cover up by
Penn State.
That just fucking pisses me off. Now, before I go any further, this is
your time to bail. This is going to be ugly...brutal...it will contain
visuals that you may need a couple of gallons of eye bleach and mind
soap to help you erase them from memory. This particular tirade is not
aimed at the Academia side of Penn State, nor the fans (well, the ones
that behaved like civilized human beings...more on those oxygen thieves
later) of Penn State, nor the coaches (those that have done nothing
wrong, that is) and athletes that are part of the now tainted
university. And even though you innocent fans, coaches, and players are
suffering...it is NOTHING compared to the anguish those poor victims
experienced and are STILL experiencing.
You've been warned.
Jerry Sandusky...you miserable, low life, piece of rat excrement. The
world would have been much better off if your mother would have fished
you out with a rusty coat-hanger instead of birthing you. There's a
special place in Hell for you, and we can only hope that one or several
of your fellow inmates help send you there...whether it be drowning in
hepatitis C and HIV infected semen or severe anal trauma...or
both...makes no difference to me. That still won't make up for the lives
you have ruined. You sicken me. What disgusts me even more was the fact
that you were part of an organization that was supposed to HELP "at
risk" children. The last time I checked, a man who rapes little kids is
not a mentor nor a sponsor...that's a fucking pedophile and a sexual
predator. And the fact that everyone around you was morally bankrupt and
covered everything up allowed the foundation to keep serving up victims
to you like an "All U Can Sodomize" boy buffet. If the inmates don't
get a chance at you, then I hope you get testicular torsion, the black
plague, polio, malaria, small pox, cholera, Ebola, Bubonic plague, and
fibromyalgia all at once. Fuck you.
This brings me to the assholes that did nothing to stop Captain Kid
Toucher. This isn't about a kid getting an out of state tuition waiver.
It's not about a booster buying cars, free tattoos, or even street
agents or weekend boat trips in South Beach. This was about children
being raped and because you didn't stomp this fucker's guts out and call
the cops when you first witnessed Sandusky's attack...that's YOU
McQueary...because of your lack of balls and common sense (face it...a
grown man with a boner showering with a little boy who is bleeding from
the rectum is not horse play...it is RAPE)...you allowed more kids to be
harmed...and YOU should rot in a fucking cell right next to that piece
of shit Sandusky.
Spanier and the rest should never be allowed to hold a position within
ANY university ever again and all should be brought up on accessory
charges.
Then we have Joe Paterno. You're going to be dead soon. Look at what
happened to Coach Bryant when he stepped away from the game...dead
within the year...the exception: he wasn't fired because he did nothing
about his friend and defensive coordinator fucking little boys. I
thought you were different. I thought you were the last great "legendary
head coach". I respected you...I respected Penn State because of you.
But now...that is ruined...much like the lives of the poor kids your
inaction allowed Sandusky to ruin. You have given Penn State a black-eye
that may never go away. Worst yet...you have besmirched the fraternity
that IS college football...the greatest game ever known. I used to think
that you were pretty cool for an 80 year old fart. Up until this came
out...I used to constantly giggle about your sarcastic response to a
reporter about dealing with a loss...you retorted "I'd go home and slug
Sue". I found it clever...but since discovering your lack of moral
fiber...when you staggered out of your pedophile protection and denial
complex last night at the news of your termination looking like you just
polished off a 5th of scotch...I was checking out how much make up Sue
was wearing on the left side of her face...because you are right handed.
You deserve to sit behind bars with Sandusky as well. Your name and
records should be wiped from the record books of college football.
Instead of being known forever as the winningest coach of all
time...you'll now be remembered as the most infamous coach of all time.
Now let's move on...
 UCF
just sacked their AD, Assistant Head Coach, and suspended hoops coach
Donnie Jones for 3 conference games in the fallout from dealing with a
street agent. It's bad when your AD is mentioned more in the allegations
than the street agent himself. UCF so desperately wants to be a big
time school...they are acting like they are trying to join the SEC...not
the sinking ship that is the Big EastNorthWestSouth. I cannot figure
out which is sadder, the fact that they did this shit while ALREADY on
probation or that only 1 kid involved in this whole mess actually made
the football team and never saw a down of action. These kids could not
even qualify. That's being REALLY bad at cheating. UCF needs to slow it
down...maybe save a scandal or two for when you are in line to win a
National Championship...that's when you know you have made it to the big
time. What kills me is the fact that George O'Leary wasn't mentioned at
all in either incident. This guy is like a fucking cockroach...lies on a
resume, kills a wide receiver in practice, football program gets put on
probation, and now this situation with a street agent and Honest George
is still employed. Unreal.
 Western
Kentucky...those miserable fucks have won 5 games in a row and my inbox
more full of hate than WBC's Fred Phels' heart. I was shocked that many
folks in Bowling Green actually had electricity and the edumacation
enough to formulate complete thoughts and send them in a communication
that did not involve fire or a horse. The key to the HillFloppers
success...Bobby Rainey. He's averaging 129.9 yards per game on the
ground and really causing The Greek a ton of angst.
"Haven't seen your column in a couple of weeks. Hopefully you hung yourself. 5 in a row fuckface!
-Wally"
I have never been a bigger LSU fan than this week.
Speaking of the SEC, The Greek would like to personally welcome our
newest versions of Mississippi and Kentucky to the SEC family. Texas
A&M and Missouri...welcome. You guys can fight it out to figure out
who is Kentucky and who is Ole Miss. Being the good soul that I am, The
Greek would like to offer up some information that will help you in your
transition to the SEC.
1. You will notice an increase in speed and it may seem like your out of
conference opponents are playing in slow motion. This is perfectly
normal and it shouldn't take you too long to get used to it. Do not use
South Carolina as the example...they are slow learners to begin with.
2. Don't be alarmed, but your strength of schedule just increased
exponentially. It's okay...trust me. To counter the toughness of your
conference schedule, we her at the SEC "supplement" your out of
conference schedule. You'll become familiar with the Sun Belt, MAC, and
in extreme cases, Conference USA. You'll also land Charleston Southern,
Chattanooga, The Citadel, and Wooford on occasion. With the big boost in
BCS cash from the bowl and TV revenue split, you'll be able to shell
out $750k to have these teams come get their brains kicked in on a
Saturday and still be able to afford improper benefits to your recruits.
3. Now is the perfect time to begin chanting "SEC! SEC! SEC!". It takes
some practice and you have till July to perfect it. Their will be a
conference wide test when LSU wins the BCS title this year.
4. It is now perfectly okay to pull for your conference foes to win,
especially if it is an out of conference match up (mandatory) or their
victory would increase your already bloated strength of schedule. (Refer
to page 119 in your SEC Handbook, which Slive should have given you
along with the check for your exit fee from the Big 12).
5. Florida did not start playing football until 1990. They also log more
mileage during the "Gator Walk" than they do traveling for their out of
conference schedule.
6. Jacksonville...while perfectly okay while Georgia was killing Florida
every year...is now no longer neutral. You watch, the Bulldogs will
complain about having to take a bus to Atlanta and claim that they might
as well have played LSU in Death Valley when LSU cleans their clock.
7. South Carolina is the picture of discipline in the SEC. Their 10
strike policy is set to be adopted by the conference as status quo
during the winter meetings.
8. Alabama has 47 National Titles. Don't question it. Alabama's motto is
"If they are a publication and they mention us as National Champions,
we will claim it." For example: In 1987, Earl Hank Williams III took out
an ad in the Thrifty Nickle. He was trying to sell is 1981 Ford F150.
Under the picture of the truck, Earl made it clear "1979 Alabama Crimson
Tide National Champions vanity plate not included." Alabama claimed the
Thrifty Nickle National Championship for 1979, 1981, and 1987. Deal
with it.
9. If you happen to find yourself losing to Vanderbilt in your first
meeting...do not panic. They are Vanderbilt, and that reality will come
crashing down on them sooner or later. They will either totally implode
and snatch defeat from the jaws of victory or the football gods will
smile upon you and your team will suddenly play as if they were '72
Dolphins.
10. Kentucky runs the cleanest hoops program in the Nation. They only
employ coaches of the highest integrity and their players are students
first, athletes second. Their hoops fans are some of the most
knowledgeable, reserved, and respectful fans in all of sports. A
conversation with a Wildcat hoops fan is an incredible learning
opportunity and one of the most relaxing exchanges about any sport
anywhere on the internet. And if you believe that, why did you join the
SEC...you could have stayed in the Big 12 and snowed by Texas much in
the same way I just snowed you.
11. Auburn is really sensitive about their trees and any questions about
the integrity of their lap top stealing, academic cheating, allegedly
highest paid collegiate free agent in history, Heisman and National
Champion quarterback. Also, their nicknames can be confusing. War Eagle,
Tigers, Plainsmen...it can get tiresome...so we just refer to them as
Alabama's bitch and it works just fine.
12. Petrino does not own stock in Mayflower or U-Haul. The Razorbacks do
actually have a defense and have been known to make the road trips with
the team on occasion. The biggest thing you need keep in mind: it is
easy to get caught up in the atmosphere at a Razorbacks' home game.
Screaming out "Soooooooooieeeeeeeeeee", whether in a taunting matter or
just having fun with the fans, can be fun. ONLY DO IT INSIDE THE
STADIUM! If you do it outside the confines of the Hog Pen, two things
are liable to happen: 1) you will cause a stampede of pigs/Arkansas
women and are in dire risk of being trampled to death 2) You will be
cited and possibly arrested for pig rustlin' and/or wife-napping.
13. The time between Lunar Eclipses is the same amount of time between
good seasons at Ole Miss. As a matter of fact, it was just recently
discovered that the Mayan term used to denote the measurement of time
between lunar eclipses translates to "Hotty Toddy" in English.
14. Mississippi State is the drunk uncle. You can't wait for him to
visit (easy win) but are ashamed to be seen with him in public (out of
conference contests). You will learn to hate the Cowbells and wonder how
they can be a member of the SEC playing in a High School Stadium.
15. Start preparing yourself for playing Tennessee. 1st, secure your
women and livestock. 2nd, put your hi-fi stereo into your closet, close
and stuff a towel under the door, and then play "Rocky Top" at the
highest volume setting on a continual loop. Do this 12 hours a day and
you may be able to tolerate the 1st quarter.
16. You should have received a blank check from the LSU Athletic
Department in your "Welcome" package. This is for field repairs as Les
will eat your sideline up grazing over a 3 1/2 hour period. Now would be
a good time to have your players get unlisted cell phone numbers...fair
warning.
So now let's get down to the NST 10. I have been thinking about changing
the format for some time, and I am almost finished developing my
version of the BCS to determine who truly is the shittiest team in the
Nation. This will be the last NST 10 in this abbreviated format and
things should be back to normal next week.
1. New Mexico (0-9) The Low Blows suck. I even plugged them into my new
formula as a test and they graded out to the lowest possible number.
2. Florida Atlantic (0-8) Not the way Schnelly wanted to go out...but I am sure he'll take this over going out like Paterno.
3. Akron (1-8) The Acrid Zips...I am not so sure that they don't deserve the #1 spot in spite of their lone win.
4. Alabama-Birmingham (1-8) The Blowzers are part of a 3 headed CUSA NST 10 monster. Tulane, UAB, and Memphis are 5-24 combined.
5. Tulane (2-9) Canning Bobby Toledo was a year too late. Houston put up
743 yards on them if you doubt that a 2 loss team should be this high.
6. Memphis (2-7) Shocked that they have two wins this year. They belong in the SEC? Vandy would eat them alive.
7. Indiana (1-9) Had them going 6-6 with a new coach and a bowl game. Guess Gunner finally sobered up.
8. Idaho (2-7) Does Robb Akey survive the year? Knowing my luck, they
will announce his extension during WKU's bowl game this year.
9. Minnesota (2-7) They are playing better each week and most liely will be out of the NST 10 with the new formula.
10. Colorado (1-9) The Buffa-blows are bad, but they have a chance of
getting out of the NST 10 with a win over Arizona. Book it...they win.
Here are some of the other bottom feeders that may find themselves
ranked next week: Ole Miss, Arizona, Oregon State, Buffalo, UNLV,
Kansas, Maryland, Boston College, La-Monroe, Troy, and Middle Tennessee
State.
In closing, I stated that I would get to the PSU fans...and those that
rioted at the news of Joe Paterno's dismissal. To the rioters: While I
can certainly appreciate your passion and support of your coach...you
guys are dead wrong here on all counts. Rioting never solves
anything...just look at the "Occupy Wall Street" scumbags. While you may
not have pooped on cop cars, thrown molitov cocktails, or assault hot
dog vendors, you were misguided and fail to realize who was truly the
victims...THE KIDS that were allowed to be molested by the inaction of
Joe Paterno and the Department wide cover up at your school. Your anger
was misdirected.
To the fans that are as disgusted as the rest of us are, I feel for you.
See next week!
Want to let the Greek have it?
Send ALL hate mail to jpthegreek@gmail.com
*** This site is intended for mature, knowledgeable, true fans of college football. If you are easily offended by homer opinions, strong language, brutal honesty, tasteless humor, PAC 12 pillow fights, or visor throwing-this isn’t the site for you. We'll even consider a little wager at gamebookers.com from time to time. We here at TBDPITL are incapable of being sympathetic and politically correct, so strap on a pair and check your sensitive feelings at the door.
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