Look, we get it. Picking 65 basketball teams to play in a three week tournament is harder than getting an NBA player to wear a wedding ring in public. I mean, we should make it easier on you. So how about we give you 31 for free? Sounds good, right? Of the 65 teams, 31 of them will be automatic. So you only hafta do half the work. Wish I could get this kinda hookup at my institution of laziness for money (ie: work)....

Truthfully, the selection committee does a decent job in most years. And the fact that the arguments made revolve around the 65th....or 34th best team in the nation is a credit to how good people are at trying to find flaws with everything. This year was bad, however. And if Congress is worried about unimportant things in college sports, instead of actual important ones, they might run a campaign to let me know how exactly Houston or Ohio spending all of 1 week this season playing good basketball getting in the tournament with the same odds as teams that at least spent...well, like (in my best Alicia Silverstone voice...and possibly in a skirt hiked way up), two whole weeks...is fair, I'd appreciate it. The following list could be a top 100 from this year, but we'll choose the 5 biggest grievances (other than no more Rock of Love with Bret Michaels) we can blame on the selection committee right now. What Bret, tired of banging middle aged whores with no morals? How? Why?

5. Where's the Turkey?: Specifically, where is Virginia Tech? It's like Thanksgiving in a Japanese sex crime prison. To be frank, if Georgia Tech with their sterling record of 7-9 in the conference can get in, why is it that VT...at 10-6 in that same league can't? True, VT went one and done in the conference tourney, but Miami finished the league at the bottom at 20-12, probably the best last place team in the history of organized hoops. They did beat GT in their last game of the season...in Hotlanta in case you were wondering...and with inclusions like Utah State (who boasts one impressive win over BYU...since about 1950), there's a lotta room to wonder here. Though their OOC schedule was lousy, not all of it was their fault, with normally respectable teams like Iowa and Penn State being worse than soiled meat being eaten out of Bigfoot's asscrack.  On top of that, they finished ahead of Wake Forest, overall and in conference, and beat them head to head.  What does it take, having a college that sounds like a Super Mario World level to get in?  Booo...

4. The Play-in Game: What was the dumbest idea since the NBA 1 year rule shows it's lack of sense right here and now. I mean, it's really important that we get some 19-13 team that finished 7th in its conference in every year, isn't it? So let's have a play-in game! And tell them they're in the tournament! For real! It's more obvious than the ole "oh, it's dark honey...I thought it was the right hole..." lie. But since the game is supposedly between the two weakest teams in the field...um...why is the winner playing Duke, the 3rd overall #1 seed? Not that it really matters a whole hill of beans, but doesn't it make sense to have the worst team playing the #1 overall seed as a reward? I'd just like some sort of explanation, and it better have something to offer more than the location of Dayton, Ohio.

3. Do the Last 10 games Matter? Survey Says..."no": Look, Wake Forest had their moments. They really did. Jobbing Gonzaga was on the top of them. They were surprisingly better than you'd have thought they'd be. But in the effort of trying to not weigh too much the last 3rd of the season (unless you're talking about Notre Dame, right?), the committee decided to lock in Wake Forest, losers of 5 of their last 6....hey, kinda like Savannah State...and deader than Demi Moore's box in a 20 point douching by Miami. But if the last 10 truly don't matter, then what to make of Notre Dame, a 6 seed who was a lock to be OUT of the tournament 2 weeks ago after choking against Rutgers. Then they proceeded to go on a nice little run, and by proxy we are injected with Abromitis. Time to go to the clinic. Seriously though, consistency, you old bastages.

2. Florida? How much did Billy Donovan pay you...: Putting Florida in is grossly horrible when Mississippi State beat them all of 2 days ago...has a better record, beat the same number of tournament teams, actually has proven it can compete with the elite, and has the best win between the two (Vanderbilt). Also, Florida has been colder than Rosie O'Donnell's soul of late. After beating obviously depleted Tennessee, the Gators proceeded to stink up the joint against 14-17 Georgia, Kentucky (the same one that MSU pushed to the limit twice), and aforementioned Missy State. This was a terrible inclusion considering the best measure of who is a better team is putting them on a neutral court with everything to gain and everything to lose. Florida's one calling card is that they played a tough schedule...which might mean something if they'd have actually been a little better than 3-8 (editor's note: that's horrible) against those good teams.

1b: The treatment of Kansas: Getting the #1 overall seed is a cute reward for such a great season, but it clearly means all of jack shit. We'll go into the snubbing of Ohio State here in a second, but consider the teams included in their bracket. Tournament heavyweight Michigan State. Big 10 champ Ohio State. Big East runner up Georgetown. Top 25 and MVC champ Northern Iowa. Second place in the ACC Maryland. Granted, these teams had to go somewhere. But there are some white hot teams in that bracket, and if you put a gun to Bill Self's head and make him choose...you honestly think anyone wants to play Ohio State or Georgetown right now instead of Villanova, Purdue, or Kansas State?  Well, we know he likes playing Kansas State...

1a: West Virginia/Ohio State: Let me get this straight you dildos...the top 4 seeds are ranked, as Kansas is the #1 overall seed. So it makes sense that since they're #1 overall...that statement alone means they've earned something the other 64 teams haven't, correct? The assumption would be an easier bracket. So in essence, the committee ranked OSU as the 8th team and WVU as the 7th...both conference champs...and put them in the same region as the #1 and #2 overall seeds? While Duke gets frozen cold Villanova and limping toward death Purdue as the top two seeds behind them and Syracuse nets Kansas State, who's somewhere between decent and not even close to being as good as Kansas? It just makes no sense. It's a total punishment to all 4 of those teams involved. I hear that traveling (you know, the one people actually call/talk about) is the "reward" for such seeds. You think Ohio State wouldn't trade a few extra flight miles to play Syracuse or Duke? Don't bring a polygraph unless she's saying it's my kid. I know the answer.

All in all, it's trite to be complaining about the bottom of 34 teams being allowed to even participate in an event that leads to a championship being handed out. Houston was a magical ONE game over .500 before the conference tournament...now they're in. Ohio was one of the 4 worst teams in the MAC, and 7 out of 8 readers could play at least 1 sport for a MAC school. Yet because of one good week, they're in. The system, while badly flawed, it exciting and for the most part, done well on a yearly basis. But like getting too drunk at the wrong bar, sometimes you end up taking home an ugly girl with a hairlip. Better crawl outta the window tomorrow morning before she wakes up, NCAA committee.