In their never ending quest to purge every sap (me!) who might actually consider themselves a Detroit Lions fan, the team worked out overrated draft pick, turned decent receiver, turned overpaid ex Patriot turned murderer (for 45 days) Donte Stallworth. I can just see the meeting of the minds before this decision...

Lions GM Martin Mayhew: Willy, we went winless 2 years ago, that didn't do it. Then we drafted Matt Stafford when we shoulda drafted someone, anyone to play defense, that didn't do it. Then we raised ticket prices. That didn't do it. Shit boss, what's next?

Owner Willy Clay Ford: I don't know. We tried going winless again, but that dickhead Stafford turned out to actually care.

Mayhew: I got it! How about "child molesters day!" Anyone who can bring court documents proving pedophilia gets a free hot dog, beer, t-shirt, and mascot uniform so the kid's think he's someone else when he's invited to area middle schools!

Ford: That sounds GREAT. But since we won't have a game til September, let's work out Donte Stallworth!

Mayhew: Awesome! I'll call his agent...I mean bail bondsman, and we'll sit down and have a few drinks with him to assess his character. Then he can drive us to the stadium for a workout!

Or maybe the Lions were more forward thinking than this. After all, the Ravens have ridden a murderer (allegedly) to numerous playoff berths and a Super Bowl victory. Maybe unmitigated apathy towards the life of another man is nothing more than a great resume builder, no? Or maybe the Lions are trying to play to their audience more, figuring since good, hard working Detroit-ers can no longer afford to go to the games, why not tap into the other 50% of the city and see if they're interested. Hardened criminals! It's a stroke of genius, I tell you...

"Well, I WAS gonna go rob a gas station at gunpoint and then use the money to buy crack, but since it's Sunday, let's just smoke this J, throw on our Stallworth jerseys, and go sit in the upper deck..."

Look, sports is the unique job that allows talent to trump any sort of flaw a man might have for the sake of winning. How Pac Man Jones managed to ban himself from being a courted NFL player should be a story on Unsolved Mysteries. So it's no surprise that Stallworth will be back. Leaving the league, he had enough talent to be considered at least a 3rd wideout on the Browns, which is like being a practice squad player on a real team. After the Lions are done with him, the Bengals will be taking a look, because you're not allowed to actually wear a Bengals jersey unless you have some prior conviction against you. Just ask the back of Larry Johnson's hand.

For the Lions, this is a curious move. The team already stinks. People either can't afford tickets or are incapable of coming up with a reason to waste their time. For nearly 20 years, the Lions sold out nearly every game they played, despite the fact that 9-7 is considered "an unbeaten season" for most of their (our) fan base. Surely a guy who's career has been miserable aside from the one year Tom Brady was throwing to him isn't gonna revive it. Or is this release some sort of deluded "community service."?

"Okay, you only spent a month in the joint and will be doing community acts til you're 70 with Mike Vick, but in order to speed up the process so you can drink again after wins in your Bentley...how 'bout we ask the judge if playing for the Detroit Lions qualifies as service work?"

Judge: Look, I know you're sorry, but playing for the Lions? You make it a full year, we'll wipe the charges off AND the money you paid will be re-imbursed by the state of Florida.

Man, if I were Stallworth, I'd be hi-tailing it to Ford Field too. And if he makes the team, nothing says "celebration" like a kegger over at Leonard Little's place to watch the Tennessee game on Saturday.

The Lions front office has always stunk. I can deal with that. Still a fan. But this? Geez.  This makes it tough.  The only thing worse would be trading for Peyton Manning.