5. Kids care about probation: No, not that kind Gilbert Arenas. The kind that suggests going to UTEP might result in more bowl games in your career than going to Southern Cal. With possible sanctions looming in March for the Fightin' Condoms of USC, they're still ribbed as ever in recruiting. Then again, I could have spent 10 years on probation for some of the stuff I did in the past for hot women and good weather, both of which SC offers. In other words, not even the threat of the NCAA or having to know Lane Kiffin personally is deterring what looks like another top 10 class for the Trojans, highlighted by...whoever they want, again. Chalamydia 1, Postseason Bowl games 0.

4. Recruits are worried about Urban Meyer: Obviously not. I mean, yeah, his daughter is smoking cute, but if he's not gonna be around, what good is it? Prevailing theory was that when Meyer went all Brett Favre for a day on whether or not he wanted to coach still, recruits would go to places like Tennessee, free from the prospects of playing football AND learning how to read. It didn't happen. Mack Brown came out (no, not that Mack Brown, this one's faster and is not at age risk for osteoporosis) and said Urban told him personally that he'd be back. Then Urban told the world unpersonally that he'd be back. And the rest of the SEC said "well, piss, there goes that thought." Another #1 class for the Gators is on the horizon. More losses for other teams in the SEC east, which rapidly is looking like an over 40 women's obesity camp flag football team collection.

3. Rich Rodriguez can recruit: Well, technically he CAN. Like I CAN piss in a shot glass from 10 feet out, but I don't do it well. Because of guys like Pat White and Steve Slaton, Rich got the rep as a BTK at a girl's volleyball camp type motif when it came to being aggressive for talent. The assumption was that going to Michigan, where all you hafta do is send letters and kids commit, this would lead to scores of 5 star kids that didn't know West Virginia wasn't actually named after a part of the female anatomy. Instead, Rich has stockpilied Michigan with 3 star kids fit more for Tulane than the Big 10, and has seen his classes decrease steadily after Lloyd Carr set him up nicely with a top 10 class. Rich is proving fast that he can't keep doing the whole Freddie Prinze Jr. in "She's All That" act consistently. Sometimes, ugly girls don't go on dates for a reason, and it's because nothing anyone can do can make them not ugly. Some people just scare dogs off meat trucks.

2. The Mid Major revolution is being noticed by top prospects: TV figures show that Boise-TCU was a good draw, as was Utah-Bama (at least the first half...tee hee hee) and Boise-Oklahoma. But for the entertainment value, it's like watching porn with a girl. Yeah, entertaning, but good luck getting them to ever commit to being part of it. Of the Rivals.com top 100, an astounding TWO are going somewhere other than BCS schools it's appearing. BYU has two commitments, one from #1 overall QB Jake Heaps. In fact, not counting Big East schools (psych!), you have to go to ranking 146 to find a mid major other than BYU on the list with a commitment. On the upside, it appears Mormons are still cranking out prospects at an alarming rate. Having 7 moms has its advantages.

1. Only Quarterbacks make it interesting: Proof #3,942 that college football fans are less ADD than NFL fans? There's no co-ed college Mel Kiper Jr. (see: insufferable, know nothing ass clown) forcing the prospects of Jimmy Clausen, who couldn't win more than 7 games in COLLEGE in a season down our throats as superstars just to keep us interested because we can't as football fans focus on things like "actual football" and instead need QB hype to make it interesting. The Rivals top 100 sees all of TWO quarterbacks even listed, which has to be a record low. Down year for QBs? Maybe. Making your class any less interesting? Doubtful. This is without a doubt the worst year for QB prospects since obsessing over recruiting started in the late 90s. Jake Heaps is going to BYU, as you'd know if you could read the paragraph above this, and the other guy is Phillip Sims, only a non-white, non-sounding like has 17 egg rolls and Bryant Gumbel's rod in his mouth when he talks. Good thing Gumbel's crank is tiny, right? That whole "mixed race" thing must not work out for everyone. A case in point that QBs don't matter that much? All the top teams are ensconsed with signal callers already in the fold, for next year and mostly beyond. If you're looking for a Tim Tebow in this class, you'd have better luck looking in a burlesque house. And Tim...well, he doesn't visit those, so good luck.