By Bart D.
Co-Founder

Follow the author @Bart_cfn or the site @bestdamnpoll

The offseason sucks. That is iron-clad fact. So between now and signing day, when “experts” will tell you that your team will or won’t stink for the next 4 years based on a few flighty teenagers, it’s probably time for a space-filling, meaningless, incomplete look at the B1G going into next year. The following is how I think they’ll finish at this completely and utterly silly point in the year to prognosticate. Then there’s a blurb about what they will “need” chiefly going into next season. And the moment you think “man, this is too stupid to get through” please understand that the only other thing going on right now is the NBA. (sees readers sigh, then read it so many times they can memorize it).

Legends:

1. Michigan: Will need to replace DT Mike Martin, and that’s like Burger King having to replace the Whopper. Still waiting on former top 10 overall recruit Will Campbell to live up to the hype. Now would be a good time to do so. Thinking here is that he will.
2. Nebraska: Will need Iowa State, Kansas State, Kansas, Mizzou, and Colorado to re-join the conference. They won’t get that. Major defensive contributors from each level of the defense are bye bye.
3. Iowa: Will need 12 home games. Does Ferentz’ bloated contract not include any per diem on the road and this is his protest or something?
4. Michigan State: Will need those stellar recruiting classes to pan out, since they lost just about everyone of serious consequence and their next of kin. You’re about to find out how good Kirk Cousins was…
5. Northwestern: Will need to figure out if they’re going run based (Colter) or balanced (Persa) and if they choose balanced, well, they’ll need to figure out who the hell’s going to be the quarterback
6. Minnesota: The life span of a gopher is around 2-5 years. Similarly for their head football coaches. The QB they’re transitioning away from (Gray) is the best player on the team, but will Kill make a style-overhaul and bench his most electric guy?

Leaders

1. Ohio State: Will need the NCAA to be a bit less prick-ish with their ruling. Which won’t happen. Easiest team to predict their bowl future. Tee hee hee. Breaking news: The NCAA just susepended DeVier Posey for something, somewhere, even though he’s no longer with the program.
2. Illinois: Same as every year: need to not have Ron Zook employed. Oh…wait…
3. Wisconsin: Will need a better defense. Russell Wilson covered up how bad that unit was at times. And Russell Wilson isn’t walking through that door anytime soon. Another slow, plodding white guy is instead.
4. Purdue: Will need a trade exception granted. They have three starting QBs and the NCAA to my knowledge has yet to institute some sort of trade clause.
5. Penn State: Will need a bleaching of everything PSU football and a start over. Talent remains, but morale is below sea level it feels like. Could be wrong, but that’s just the outside looking in
6. Indiana: One of “everything” on the menu. And probably Coach Wilson to not stay in the co-ed dorms this offseason. And Gunner Kiel.