Written by: rampageripser 7/7/2009 12:15 PM
Another week, another bunch of winners and losers. Who’s ready for this mess? Top 5 Winners 5) Ruth Bendick – Who you say? Well, apparently this lady had her wallet stolen in 1982 in NYC. THEY FOUND IT!! Where? In a tree in Central Park. Apparently all that is missing is around 20 bucks in cash. Too bad all the rest is probably useless since she’s gotten new licenses and credit cards in the 27 year period it was missing. Still, a win is a win, and there are fewer and fewer winners these days. Here is a link to the MSNBC article. 4) Philadelphia Phillies – Anyone that can put up 10 runs in the first inning is a winner in my book. And then anyone that can follow that with 12 more in the subsequent 7 innings (they were home so no bottom of the 9th), is a top 5 weekly winner, and #4 to be exact. At least Reds fans can be happy about one thing, the city of Cleveland is what kept them out of the bottom 5. Way to reach high Cincinnati! 3) NBC – According to this article , Hayden Panettiere will have some lesbian scenes with her college roommate in the new season of Heroes. I don’t know about you, but this has to be one of the greatest decisions made by NBC execs ever (it may even make up for ditching Scrubs). They already have The Office now they’re offering a lesbian love affair in an action series on public television. I say BRAVO!!! These men should be given medals, plural. Might as well promote them to high office, they seem to have their priorities straight. 2) Turkish television – Leave it to the Turks to top NBC in awesome television and to prove that America is going about this reality thing all wrong. Here is the BBC article. The layout of the show, entitled Penitents Compete is that a Jewish rabbi, Greek Orthodox priest, a Buddhist monk, and an Islamic imam (sounds like “walk into a bar” should follow that statement) each get a chance to convert 10 atheists. The winner is the one who converts the most (if any). The winner wins a trip to the holy city of their choice. Sounds like great TV to me!! I just want to see what kind of arguments could get the monk riled up enough to unleash his inner martial arts expert on the priest’s ass. I MUST find youtube video….. 1) Tennis – Ok, so I’m not a big tennis fan. It’s kinda hard for me to really get into. For the good matches, the only exciting part is the 5th set and for the blowouts, well it’s over faster than Federer can pitch another one of his fifty sponsors. But I will say this. I watched the championship match of the past two Wimbledons in their entirety. I have not watched ANY other tennis matches in their entirety. And I must say, I was impressed. Roddick v. Federer was better, in my opinion, cause Nadal looks like a dirty hippie and reminds me why I hate Spain sports (haha we beat your ass in the Confed Cup, hahaha). In the end it was an exciting match. Well done tennis. This still does not mean I’ll ever turn on any other tournament. Top 5 Losers 5) Cleveland – I’m sorry, you’re not gonna win a title with Shaq. It’s just not gonna happen. He’s old, slow, and well old. It sucks that you’re getting your hopes up so much; I mean I guess you have to with the Tribe sucking so horribly. He’s not your missing puzzle piece; he’s not the key to unlocking a title for the city on the lake. He is merely an aging star hoping to piggy back his way to one last title before retiring. I almost feel bad for the fans, and I would if I didn’t live in a city full of the bastards. Their whining over this and that is excruciating. Sorry guys, you won’t win it next year, and then Lebron’s going far away for lots of $$$$ and a swanky NYC crib. At least you have the Buckeyes. 4) Bored 21-year old women – According to this article, a 21-year old Minnesota resident (what is wrong Minn? In my top 5 losers twice in a row! Get your act together!) prank called her 69-year old grandmother 45 times in a single day. What!?! How boring can your life be? Not only that but her prank calls were kinda disturbing, telling her grandmother she was going to kill her and such. I don’t even have a response for that. How sad is your life that you get joy out of scaring the crap out of your grandmother in such unhealthy ways. Good God. 3) Oklahoma – Yes, I am gonna start calling out a state each week and this time it is you, you old raggedy bunch of Sooners. Who in the hell elected this mongrel group of dumbasses???? Here is the article that I am talking about. Basically, these politicians are blaming everything that is going wrong in the world on, wait for it, DEBAUCHERY. WTFUCK!?!?! I mean seriously?? The last time the word debauchery was even used was the middle ages for crying out loud. These morons ought to be stripped of any political title and sent to live in the slums for a little while to see if debauchery is really the cause of those poor peoples’ problems. 2) Sarah Palin – In my list of ultimate political losers, Ms. Maverick would make the top 10. Coming from rather obscurity, although our brothers in Alaska will tell you they’ve been yelling at her for doing stupid things for a while now, to nearly becoming the vice president of the whole damn country, her journey is kinda fantastical. But now she’s sunk to a new low (yes lower than having a child become pregnant after going through the abstinence only program you yourself designed, idiots) by resigning early, one full year ahead of schedule. Some say she is doing this to gear up a run at the 2012 presidential elections, but what sense does that make? The election is over 3 years away and by resigning she is saying she can’t juggle duties. That seems like a big check in the “con” department to me. I say she’s lazy and just doesn’t want to deal with it all anymore. Either way, this could end up killing her political career, bringing it crashing down just as fast as it rose up. Congrats Sarah, you’ve managed to screw up yet again! 1) Mark Sanford – My mother, yes apparently my mother reads this blog, asked my how the heck this scumbag didn’t make my list last week. If I was at all witty and/or slightly prophetic, I would have said, just wait till the shit hits the fan this next week. Let’s recap. First, he lies to everyone in his office claiming he is going to hike the Appalachian Trail (when have you EVER heard a politician doing that). Instead he goes to ARGENTINA to visit his mistress. Turns out this is not the first time he has been down South for some extra ethnic lovin. He has had frequent trysts with this Argentinean lover (the song Don’t Cry for me Argentina has been stuck in my head for the past week). Not only this but now there’s more!!! After his very public, and long as hell apology, he comes out with another list of affairs that he somehow forgets to mention the first time around. What a moron. Why does anyone in power think they can get away with this shit??? I mean come on. I’m done with this wretched waste of air.
Another week, another bunch of winners and losers. Who’s ready for this mess?
Top 5 Winners
5) Ruth Bendick – Who you say? Well, apparently this lady had her wallet stolen in 1982 in NYC. THEY FOUND IT!! Where? In a tree in Central Park. Apparently all that is missing is around 20 bucks in cash. Too bad all the rest is probably useless since she’s gotten new licenses and credit cards in the 27 year period it was missing. Still, a win is a win, and there are fewer and fewer winners these days. Here is a link to the MSNBC article.
4) Philadelphia Phillies – Anyone that can put up 10 runs in the first inning is a winner in my book. And then anyone that can follow that with 12 more in the subsequent 7 innings (they were home so no bottom of the 9th), is a top 5 weekly winner, and #4 to be exact. At least Reds fans can be happy about one thing, the city of Cleveland is what kept them out of the bottom 5. Way to reach high Cincinnati!
3) NBC – According to this article , Hayden Panettiere will have some lesbian scenes with her college roommate in the new season of Heroes. I don’t know about you, but this has to be one of the greatest decisions made by NBC execs ever (it may even make up for ditching Scrubs). They already have The Office now they’re offering a lesbian love affair in an action series on public television. I say BRAVO!!! These men should be given medals, plural. Might as well promote them to high office, they seem to have their priorities straight.
2) Turkish television – Leave it to the Turks to top NBC in awesome television and to prove that America is going about this reality thing all wrong. Here is the BBC article. The layout of the show, entitled Penitents Compete is that a Jewish rabbi, Greek Orthodox priest, a Buddhist monk, and an Islamic imam (sounds like “walk into a bar” should follow that statement) each get a chance to convert 10 atheists. The winner is the one who converts the most (if any). The winner wins a trip to the holy city of their choice. Sounds like great TV to me!! I just want to see what kind of arguments could get the monk riled up enough to unleash his inner martial arts expert on the priest’s ass. I MUST find youtube video…..
1) Tennis – Ok, so I’m not a big tennis fan. It’s kinda hard for me to really get into. For the good matches, the only exciting part is the 5th set and for the blowouts, well it’s over faster than Federer can pitch another one of his fifty sponsors. But I will say this. I watched the championship match of the past two Wimbledons in their entirety. I have not watched ANY other tennis matches in their entirety. And I must say, I was impressed. Roddick v. Federer was better, in my opinion, cause Nadal looks like a dirty hippie and reminds me why I hate Spain sports (haha we beat your ass in the Confed Cup, hahaha). In the end it was an exciting match. Well done tennis. This still does not mean I’ll ever turn on any other tournament.
Top 5 Losers
5) Cleveland – I’m sorry, you’re not gonna win a title with Shaq. It’s just not gonna happen. He’s old, slow, and well old. It sucks that you’re getting your hopes up so much; I mean I guess you have to with the Tribe sucking so horribly. He’s not your missing puzzle piece; he’s not the key to unlocking a title for the city on the lake. He is merely an aging star hoping to piggy back his way to one last title before retiring. I almost feel bad for the fans, and I would if I didn’t live in a city full of the bastards. Their whining over this and that is excruciating. Sorry guys, you won’t win it next year, and then Lebron’s going far away for lots of $$$$ and a swanky NYC crib. At least you have the Buckeyes.
4) Bored 21-year old women – According to this article, a 21-year old Minnesota resident (what is wrong Minn? In my top 5 losers twice in a row! Get your act together!) prank called her 69-year old grandmother 45 times in a single day. What!?! How boring can your life be? Not only that but her prank calls were kinda disturbing, telling her grandmother she was going to kill her and such. I don’t even have a response for that. How sad is your life that you get joy out of scaring the crap out of your grandmother in such unhealthy ways. Good God.
3) Oklahoma – Yes, I am gonna start calling out a state each week and this time it is you, you old raggedy bunch of Sooners. Who in the hell elected this mongrel group of dumbasses???? Here is the article that I am talking about. Basically, these politicians are blaming everything that is going wrong in the world on, wait for it, DEBAUCHERY. WTFUCK!?!?! I mean seriously?? The last time the word debauchery was even used was the middle ages for crying out loud. These morons ought to be stripped of any political title and sent to live in the slums for a little while to see if debauchery is really the cause of those poor peoples’ problems.
2) Sarah Palin – In my list of ultimate political losers, Ms. Maverick would make the top 10. Coming from rather obscurity, although our brothers in Alaska will tell you they’ve been yelling at her for doing stupid things for a while now, to nearly becoming the vice president of the whole damn country, her journey is kinda fantastical. But now she’s sunk to a new low (yes lower than having a child become pregnant after going through the abstinence only program you yourself designed, idiots) by resigning early, one full year ahead of schedule. Some say she is doing this to gear up a run at the 2012 presidential elections, but what sense does that make? The election is over 3 years away and by resigning she is saying she can’t juggle duties. That seems like a big check in the “con” department to me. I say she’s lazy and just doesn’t want to deal with it all anymore. Either way, this could end up killing her political career, bringing it crashing down just as fast as it rose up. Congrats Sarah, you’ve managed to screw up yet again!
1) Mark Sanford – My mother, yes apparently my mother reads this blog, asked my how the heck this scumbag didn’t make my list last week. If I was at all witty and/or slightly prophetic, I would have said, just wait till the shit hits the fan this next week. Let’s recap. First, he lies to everyone in his office claiming he is going to hike the Appalachian Trail (when have you EVER heard a politician doing that). Instead he goes to ARGENTINA to visit his mistress. Turns out this is not the first time he has been down South for some extra ethnic lovin. He has had frequent trysts with this Argentinean lover (the song Don’t Cry for me Argentina has been stuck in my head for the past week). Not only this but now there’s more!!! After his very public, and long as hell apology, he comes out with another list of affairs that he somehow forgets to mention the first time around. What a moron. Why does anyone in power think they can get away with this shit??? I mean come on. I’m done with this wretched waste of air.
Copyright ©2009 Rampageripster
3 comments so far...
Re: Rankings for the Week of July 7 Easy on Cleveland man. They will make another move I assume.I can't speak for anyone else.Lance Armstrong should make the top 5 winners next week as he grabs hold of the yellow jersey in France. He currently sits in 2nd place only 1 second out of first. What a story if he were to win his 8th Tour de Lance.
Re: Rankings for the Week of July 7
Easy on Cleveland man. They will make another move I assume.I can't speak for anyone else.Lance Armstrong should make the top 5 winners next week as he grabs hold of the yellow jersey in France. He currently sits in 2nd place only 1 second out of first. What a story if he were to win his 8th Tour de Lance.
Re: Rankings for the Week of July 7 I know, but I'm hard on Cleveland because of my friend's atitudes towards the Cavs. It's like they expect them to dominate and then are fast on the train to pity-ville when things start to get rough. I'm slightly sick of it.I', gonna try and be prophetic by waiting a week before putting Lance "one-ball" Armstrong (think the name will catch on?) in the top 5.
I know, but I'm hard on Cleveland because of my friend's atitudes towards the Cavs. It's like they expect them to dominate and then are fast on the train to pity-ville when things start to get rough. I'm slightly sick of it.I', gonna try and be prophetic by waiting a week before putting Lance "one-ball" Armstrong (think the name will catch on?) in the top 5.
Re: Rankings for the Week of July 7 Yeah, NBC seems to be phoning it in lately. Jay Leno at 10pm every weeknight? Well that is just lazy. God forbid they have to create another winning series like Law and Order or ER. Nope, now they just have Jay Leno for 5 nights at 10pm. The other 3 majors must be stifling their victory fist pumps. And as for Scrubs, who in the HELL was in charge of that??? They end up with JD having a baby, and cancel the frickin show? IDIOTS!And ABC is just as dumb! They bring it back for one season and cancel it too? What? Were they just giving us closure by having JD quit Sacred Heart and move a whopping 43 minutes away? WEAK SAUCE! If I owned Fox, I would buy it, have Mercy burn down in some hilarious JD hijink, and have him back at Mercy STAT!!!! Also, Laverne seemed to land on her feet. I walked in the bedroom the other night while my wife was watching Days of Our Lives, and she was a desk nurse in there now. Good for her!
Yeah, NBC seems to be phoning it in lately. Jay Leno at 10pm every weeknight? Well that is just lazy. God forbid they have to create another winning series like Law and Order or ER. Nope, now they just have Jay Leno for 5 nights at 10pm. The other 3 majors must be stifling their victory fist pumps. And as for Scrubs, who in the HELL was in charge of that??? They end up with JD having a baby, and cancel the frickin show? IDIOTS!And ABC is just as dumb! They bring it back for one season and cancel it too? What? Were they just giving us closure by having JD quit Sacred Heart and move a whopping 43 minutes away? WEAK SAUCE! If I owned Fox, I would buy it, have Mercy burn down in some hilarious JD hijink, and have him back at Mercy STAT!!!! Also, Laverne seemed to land on her feet. I walked in the bedroom the other night while my wife was watching Days of Our Lives, and she was a desk nurse in there now. Good for her!