The Verbal Scourging

Pre-Spring Poll: Take your Top (25) off

Fri, 05 Mar 2010 01:55:00 GMT

1. Boise State: I don't want to hear your shit. If I wanted to, I'd tape a Lindsay Lohan mask to your face, because she at least looks better than you. They won "my" national title last year, and they start off #1.

2. Alabama: Don't worry, guys, maybe this can be your year.... (off topic, but why does everyone in Alabama wear gay combover haircuts...in COLLEGE?)

3. Virgin

Oh-Limp-Icks

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 04:54:00 GMT

So I found $700 yesterday that I didn't know existed to my name. For poor people like myself, this is known either as "theft" or "enough to buy a car." To go cause theft. I wish I could use every dime of it to pay Seth Rogan to never appear on TV ever again. At this moment, I affirmed that for all my complaining at times, there are people much more unlucky than me. They're called "people who watch

What's worse, Prison or the Lions? Just ask Donte!

Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:01:00 GMT

In their neverending quest to purge every sap who might actually consider themselves a Detroit Lions fan, the team worked out overrated draft pick, turned decent receiver, turned overpaid ex Patriot turned murderer (for 45 days) Dante Stallworth. I can just see the meeting of the minds before this decision...

Obligatory Super Bowl Article

Sun, 07 Feb 2010 03:45:00 GMT

You know how sometimes you get that epiphany about why you love an ex girlfriend only when you're spending time with someone else? Like you're out with another girl and she has about 14 annoying habits that your ex didn't have and you think "yeah, THAT's why I fell in love with her?" Tomorrow, the last football game of the season will do that for me. It's called the Super Bowl. But it's a

Free Paul Shirley

Fri, 29 Jan 2010 01:40:00 GMT

Free Paul Shirley

I went to the grocery store last week. Not to steal stuff, pick up high school girls not cute enough to get jobs at Abercrombie and Fitch, or to see if my Kroger Plus coupons I get in the mail that say "cannot be used to purchase alcohol" really will work if I try to buy beer. As I was checking out, the portly woman scanning my groceries asked me right before I swiped my Visa if I wanted to donate money to Haiti. I looked up at her as though she just took a dump on my coffe

NFL=Not For Long

Tue, 26 Jan 2010 01:27:00 GMT

Well, I'm dating myself here (no, pervert, not that kinda "dating". Besides, who dates themselves when you can just go grab some lotion and skip straight to the happy ending?) but when I was growing up, people used to throw around this general term "America's Past-time." When they did so, they were referring to baseball. Now, there were reasons baseball got this nickname.

Giving Recruiting a Colonoscopy

Tue, 19 Jan 2010 17:42:00 GMT

There's a rich, middle aged man that lives next door. Everytime you see him, he's on his phone. Talking about high school girls, True Life on MTV, and sports. Half of the numbers in his Rolodex are Miley Cyrus aged males. He's always going outta town to meet high school boys, spend a few hours with them, and trying to convince them to come live by him for the next 3-4 years. When one of the boys tells him "no thanks" you can find him either in a fit of rage, or openly weeping, depending on his mood. Soon, he will find out if the te

Boise St-hate

Sat, 09 Jan 2010 01:54:00 GMT

Why do I say this? So I can prepare for it when I give you a golden shower of reality. I watched last night's BCS National Championship Game and turned it off knowing exactly who the #1 team in the nation is. Boise State.

Dear Bill...Please make it stop?

Tue, 05 Jan 2010 02:51:00 GMT

Sometimes I do things I hate, just because I must. Like I cook dinner. Do yardwork. Or wash myself. Sometimes I do things that I never thought I'd do. Like get married. Have consensual sex with a good looking female. Or drink Coors, because it's on sale. (note, not Coors Light, which would thus end my ability to call people "white trash.") Today, I must take to task the man who's inspired my wardrobe, and my thinking, for the past decade. I must call out Bill Belichick.

O-How-I-Hate-Ohio State...you deserved it

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 01:51:00 GMT

O-How-I-Hate-Ohio-State...you deserved it

I never thought I'd be writing this. If someone were to come up to your wife, scream explitives at her, then kick her in the shins, you then and only then would know how I feel about Ohio State. But tonight, "I smoke'em peace pipe" with the Bucks, for they deserved this game. Their fan base did. Their oft-maligned players did.