The Greek Speaks...

Tamed Tiger Needs To Return To Tang Taming

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 05:25:00 GMT

Tiger...you just got beaten by 13 strokes in the 2010 British Open by this:

Louis Oostuizen made you his bitch today, and furthered the speculation that you have officially collapsed. You are spiraling out of control and soon you'll be sharing Vicodin with John Daly at a Motel 6 somewhere drawing up plans for John's Collectible Zubaz Plates.

Don't let that happen.

You have lost your edge...time to get it back. Ok, so your marriage is fucked and you are a poor husband, but that doesn't mean you are a shitty Dad. Pay the bitch the money. You aren't the first celebrity athlete to fuck up his marriage. Shit, Tiki Barber left his wife while she was pregnant with their twins. At least your ex is not pregnant. Go play golf, win some money, visit the kids...oh, and about getting your edge back...

Get your freak on Tiger!

Start chasing slash around again...go on those 12 hour fuck-fests with bondage latex fetish call girls, have them choke you, spit in your mouth, and stand on your scrotum with 9'' stilettos, and then haul ass to the course to barely make it on time to sign in, then tearing ass through the competition and embarrassing everyone on the course.

That's the Tiger I want. Go back to cussing and being an impatient and pompous dick to the fans and the media. That's the REAL Tiger...let him back out of the cage.

Louis Fucking Oosthuizen...

An Interview with Bear Bryant

Sat, 26 Jun 2010 06:38:00 GMT

Ever wondered what a legend would think of the state of College Football? I thought it would be nice to hear what a respected coaching legend of the game thought of the current affairs in his beloved sport. I decided to call upon current Southeastern Heaven's All Star Team Head Coach and former Alabama Crimson Tide head man, the legendary Paul "Bear" Bryant, and get him to opine on the game of college football today.

TG: Thanks coach for taking the time from your busy after-life to do this interview. By the way, how is John Wooden adjusting to his new surroundings?

Bear: I haven't talked to him yet, but I do expect basketball to get a lot better up here.

TG: A lot in the college football world has changed since your heavenly ascension. The biggest of those being the advent of the Bowl Championship Series. Do you think the BCS has done its job and given us a true National Champion, also, what changes would you make to the current system?

Bear: Well, Auburn hasn't won one of those BCS things, so I'd say it was doing a mighty fine job and I would not change a thing. Well, possibly make it so two SEC teams could play for the National Championship. Come to think of it, I guess that is what that new SEC Championship Game is, The last four years have been nice.

TG: How do you feel about Arkansas and South Carolina joining the SEC?

Bear: Arkansas being in the SEC makes about as much since as Colorado being in the PAC 10.

TG: Coach, Colorado just joined the PAC 10. Also, Nebraska joined the Big 10.

Bear: You don't say? What conference did Notre Dame join?

TG: They haven't joined one in football, Coach.

Bear: Figures. those wussies!

TG: Staying on the expansion subject, what do you think about Boise State joining the Mountain West Conference?

Bear: The Mountain what? Boise State? Aren't they an NAIA school? Are you reading off of Bill Snyder's schedules?

TG: Okay Coach, we'll ease off of the expansion stuff. Let's talk playoffs. Should there be a playoff for college football?

Bear: Playoffs? Those are for those pansies in the NFL. They are overpaid candies that miss games because of turf toe, what ever the hell that is. We paid a few players at Alabama, but we didn't give them the ludicrous amounts that the NFL does, and we expected them to play hurt.

TG: Speaking of Alabama, what is your take on the textbook scandal in Tuscaloosa?

Bear: Well, back in my day, we didn't have our players attend class, so there were no textbooks. Kind of like preventative measures. Remove the textbooks, remove the temptation.

TG: Southern California was just hammered with some pretty stiff penalties. Do you think they were treated fairly, or has the NCAA gone overboard with the punishment?

Bear: They got sloppy I guess. I will say this, if it was us or one of our conference brethren, the NCAA would have had us or them stripped of titles and banned from bowls the minute those two jerkwaters from Yahoo Sports would have opened their useless traps.

TG: Since you've been away, the University of Florida, from 1990 to currently, is the winningest program in all of college football, winning 8 SEC titles and 3 National Championships. What's your take on the Gator football program?

Bear: That Urban guy is pretty good. I said that Florida was a sleeping giant, and if they ever got a fella who knew his football from his asshole, they'd be a force to be reckoned with. Looks like I was right. First, Steve Spurrier, and now Coach Meyer. But I am kind of glad I am dead, Gator fans were kind of obnoxious when they were just mediocre and carrying ours and Georgia's water coolers for us. I could not imagine having to put up with them when they are on top of the heap.

TG: Coach, I am a Gator fan.

Bear: I kind of figured. You're a bit of an ass.

TG: Thanks Coach. Coming from you, that's an honor. A couple more questions and then I'll let you get back to doing whatever it is you do during your eternal rest. What's your opinion on Tim Tebow playing in the NFL?

Bear: He's all over the place down there too? You should see it up here. Orange and Blue and Tim Tebow everywhere. I saw Gabriel with a #15 Broncos jersey on. It's getting ridiculous. But honestly, the kid's a winner. He would have made one hell of a tailback at Alabama for me. I probably would have run the wishbone. But don't sell him short. I would not be surprised to see him win the Super Bowl in a few years.

TG: Nick Saban has returned Alabama to the top of the college football world. Is there any one thing that you would change about him if you could?

Bear: Well, the man could use a nice houndtooth checkered fedora. That and he smiles too much. Oops, I guess that's two things. Guess I am not much for the rules.

TG: No worries Coach, I'm not either. I claimed a couple more questions and I would let you go, but I have a third. How is Woody Hayes doing?

Bear: He had to retire again. Seems he got a little worked up and punched Michael after he got the game clinching first down in last year's Angel Bowl.

TG: Again, thanks a lot for your time Coach, College Football misses you.

Bear: I miss it. Ya'll take care...and ROLL TIDE!

Celebration vs Taunting: Blurred Lines That Need Defining

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 06:14:00 GMT

The biggest problem I have with football officials is consistency when calling the excessive celebration penalties is consistency. Umpires have different strike zones per individual...but it stays consistent the duration of the game (and usually the duration of his career). Football officials are a fickle lot, unwilling to admit mistakes in light of video evidence, calling interference on one play, and then on a similar play call nothing at all in spite of the receiver being tackled. And THESE guys are going to be able to take away scores.

A Reflection Of How Soft We Have Become

Tue, 20 Apr 2010 00:45:00 GMT

We have become softer than an 80 year old's penis sans Viagra. There is no such thing as competing to win anymore. This society makes you ashamed to win...or at least thinks you SHOULD be ashamed to win. The NCAA's new anti-taunting rule is just another shining example of how spineless we have become.

In this fucked up mess of a society, success is to be shared, and failure condoned and consoled. There are youth leagues that do not keep score in competitive sports. Everyone gets a trophy.

And you wonder why we have these screwed up creatures called Emo Kids:

There are life lessons to be learned in competitive sports. How to win...and how to lose. How do we teach our kids how to lose if they CANNOT lose...or are not allowed to lose? We are so worried about the "have nots" in this world...that we forget about...or worse yet...punish the "haves".

How dare you celebrate being better than someone else?!

How dare you show excitement over your success?!

Yes, you just won, but let's go rub the loser on the ass until he feels better and berate the winner for being the best he/she can be.

When you are taught at an early age that you cannot lose....bad things happen. Like the guy that gets dumped by his girlfriend. Instead of accepting the fact that she has moved on...he comes back and kills her and her new boyfriend.

All because Junior was never taught HOW to lose.

By not allowing them to embrace and celebrate victory...we have lost as a society. By not allowing them to lose, we have reared a soft and pathetic next generation.

If we don't stop this bullshit now...we are doomed as a society.

A Challenge to Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel

Fri, 26 Mar 2010 17:23:00 GMT

Mike,

         First let me state that you are quite possibly the worst sports writer I have ever had the displeasure of reading. Your elementary school quips are nothing short of boring and pedantic. They always have been. How you still are employed really speaks volumes about how little importance your bosses put on accuracy and intelligent content. You interject your opinion to the point of saturation. Every story you write is an editorial, and not reporting the facts. Neutrality escapes you. Maybe you should move to Switzerland and learn some neutrality...I mean...it's a perfect fit....the Swiss have no backbone to take a side...and you are spineless...maybe you could learn something from each other. The bonus is...you'll be in Switzerland, and maybe the Orlando Sentinel will sell more papers with you gone.
   Who am I kidding, you aren't the only problem that the Orlando Sentinel has. How are those subscriptions stacking up? Oh...right...you're going bankrupt. Getting rid of you, Mike, may be like feeding a whale a tic-tac...it's a start...but it isn't going to get rid of the stank.Let me show you what I mean Mike.

Here's a quote for an Ohio State fan living in Orlando and what he thinks about you and the Orlando Sentinel:

"Fowler deserved it... if any of you have ever read that garbage called The Orlando Sentinal, then you would understand why even I am happy Meyer did what he did.... I remember back in 2002, when Bianchi was writing about the NCG he completely dogged the hell outta tOSU... basically said they couldn't hold Miami (FL)'s jocks... not to mention the shit he has written about the Cavs and LeBron... I can't read the sports columns that they write... they make me angry, and as it has been pointed out before, they sensationalize the hell out of things, just to get readers and a reaction... that is why I do not read their garbage... fuck Bianchi & Fowler... they are low life hacks, who are shitty journalists.. the people that write for this website have more talent in their pinky toes than Bianchi and Fowler combined in their whole entire bodies..."

   Here's a quote from a Michigan fan about the Urban Meyer situation:

"Meyer was right to do what he did, and no surprise, the national media is killing him over it, like they do anytime one of their fellow narcs gets a dirty look from someone. Even if the reporter wasn't wrong, or a reporter isn't wrong, a coach is well within his rights to defend his kids any way he wants to. Fuck the media. They're annoying, slanted, controversy desperate, and come off as pencil dicked fools who got jammed into lockers by the guys they cover in high school. "I can't PLAY the game, so I'll cover it and consider myself part of sports." Like townie cops who grew up getting cranked on by everyone exacting their revenge 20 years later for being goody two shoes who didn't get laid (and not by choice) til age 25. Besides, ball busting the media on behalf of a player is a great recruiting tool. I don't know Fowler, and I don't need to. He's part of the media, which deletes just about all his credibility. Good for Meyer. Kiss his ass, whiners."

   It's almost like they know you Mike...and your rag of a paper you work for.And now your response today was just priceless. You don't mind if I quote you Mike, do you? I'll try to make sure I get it right before I go to print...or should I use the Orlando Sentinel's M.O....and just put it out there....I think I'll do the latter:

"First Urban Meyer quits. Then he comes back. Then he takes a leave of absence. Then he doesn't take a leave of absence. Now, incredibly, he is threatening reporters because one of his players was quoted correctly? Can you say Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs? Good grief, that Florida coaching job really is a pressure-cooker, isn't it? "

   And what would you know about pressure Mike? Sitting behind your computer and putting out media fluff, unmitigated opinion, and absolute nonsense sure has its pressures. How you make it through the daily grinds of newspaper journalism is miraculous. You should be given an award....maybe a booster seat so you can see over the bar at you local watering hole...er...place where you find your talent.
   Now, it's easy to see why you, Jeremey, and the Orlando Sentinel may be a little bitter. I guess being assigned the 4th row counter top in the Press Box at The Swamp got your panties in a twist. You're lucky...UF usually sends its garbage to Tallahassee. Bring your binoculars.
   Mike, you have been run out of Gainesville, and if I had my choice, you'd be run out of Orlando. But while you are here, maybe you could get together with George O'Leary, while he's between killing players, and work on your resume. I am sure it would be about as factual as your reporting.
   I was going to challenge you to a public "write-off". YOU pick the topic, we both write an article, and then we put it out there for public opinion. I guarantee my article would surpass yours in all categories. It would be proof that sports fans know more than the journalists, are more factual, and write for substance and not just to sell a few more fish wraps.
   But you'll ignore this and dismiss me and my fellow bloggers as amateurs...not worth your time. That won't disguise your fear of the the truth...but since when have you EVER been concerned with the truth.

   If you want to nut up and take the challenge, my email, phone number, and website address are included in this email.

-Joe Phelps
AKA The Greek
The Best Damn Poll In The Land
www.thebestdamnpoll.com
By The Fans, LLC

The Best Little Whorehouse In Knoxville

Wed, 09 Dec 2009 06:58:00 GMT

Knoxville has a whorehouse in it (Lord have mercy on our souls)

It was one Hell of a ride....

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 16:43:00 GMT

Wish it could have kept going....but I have no regrets....

Tarnished Tiger?

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 07:08:00 GMT

Cheating on his wife? Drunk driving? Domestic violence? Cover up?

Thank You Tim!

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 05:34:00 GMT

"To become truly great, one must stand with people, not above them."- Charles De Montesquieu

Happy Thanksgiving!!

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 17:53:00 GMT

Taking the time to be thankful!