1. Boise State: I don't want to hear your shit. If I wanted to, I'd tape a Lindsay Lohan mask to your face, because she at least looks better than you. They won "my" national title last year, and they start off #1.

2. Alabama: Don't worry, guys, maybe this can be your year.... (off topic, but why does everyone in Alabama wear gay combover haircuts...in COLLEGE?)

3. Virgin Read More »

So I found $700 yesterday that I didn't know existed to my name. For poor people like myself, this is known either as "theft" or "enough to buy a car." To go cause theft. I wish I could use every dime of it to pay Seth Rogan to never appear on TV ever again. At this moment, I affirmed that for all my complaining at times, there are people much more unlucky than me. They're called "people who watch Read More »

The Ohio State Buckeyes signed Adam Griffin (son of Archie) this week to a letter of intent.  Griffin was a 2-star recruit with offers from schools like Eastern Illinois, Navy, Army and Kent State prior to becoming the 19th member of the 2010 Ohio State Football Class.  Now I get it.
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In their neverending quest to purge every sap who might actually consider themselves a Detroit Lions fan, the team worked out overrated draft pick, turned decent receiver, turned overpaid ex Patriot turned murderer (for 45 days) Dante Stallworth. I can just see the meeting of the minds before this decision... Read More »

You know how sometimes you get that epiphany about why you love an ex girlfriend only when you're spending time with someone else? Like you're out with another girl and she has about 14 annoying habits that your ex didn't have and you think "yeah, THAT's why I fell in love with her?" Tomorrow, the last football game of the season will do that for me. It's called the Super Bowl. But it's a Read More »

I have talked myself off the ledge and am 100% behind Coach Tressel and his staff.  Signing day is over. 
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Up is down and left is right.  I am bothered by the national media's apparent stance that high school seniors and college freshman are more important that coaches and universities.
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Free Paul Shirley

I went to the grocery store last week. Not to steal stuff, pick up high school girls not cute enough to get jobs at Abercrombie and Fitch, or to see if my Kroger Plus coupons I get in the mail that say "cannot be used to purchase alcohol" really will work if I try to buy beer. As I was checking out, the portly woman scanning my groceries asked me right before I swiped my Visa if I wanted to donate money to Haiti. I looked up at her as though she just took a dump on my coffe Read More »

Well, I'm dating myself here (no, pervert, not that kinda "dating".  Besides, who dates themselves when you can just go grab some lotion and skip straight to the happy ending?) but when I was growing up, people used to throw around this general term "America's Past-time."  When they did so, they were referring to baseball.  Now, there were reasons baseball got this nickname.  Read More »

There's a rich, middle aged man that lives next door. Everytime you see him, he's on his phone. Talking about high school girls, True Life on MTV, and sports. Half of the numbers in his Rolodex are Miley Cyrus aged males. He's always going outta town to meet high school boys, spend a few hours with them, and trying to convince them to come live by him for the next 3-4 years. When one of the boys tells him "no thanks" you can find him either in a fit of rage, or openly weeping, depending on his mood. Soon, he will find out if the te Read More »